I could no longer tell myself that I was too busy. I lived life at 400 miles per hour and never gave myself a break in the normal way. I didn’t vacation; I didn’t take long weekends; I didn’t just leave work at work; I snorted cocaine. This was not only how I unwound, but also how I was able to keep up. It would have been impossible for me to pull off my late nights that we so crucial in getting my work done without some kind of help. Cocaine provided that help. It helped think fast, it helped me talk fast and it helped me work fast.
Simply put, I cheated. I cheated myself, I cheated my colleagues and I cheated everybody who put their faith in me to do my job. Whenever I felt the dishonesty of my lifestyle start to sink in, I just did another line until I simply couldn’t feel it anymore. Eventually I lost my ability to control my thoughts, and this scared the hell out of me. At first I thought it was just the pressure of my career, but it was cocaine that permanently disquieted my brain and pushed me into ungodly paranoia.
I unraveled very quickly once I ramped up my coke abuse. It affected everything, especially my job. The work that cocaine once helped me perform was now a distant second to this beautiful white powder; this powder that helped me experience a few blissful hours of euphoria and. Soon the highs got shorter, the withdrawal periods got longer and it looked as though there was no coming back from this paranoid psychosis. I thought about checking myself into an institution, but decided to look for treatment instead. I was physically exhausted and just wanted to feel normal again.
I approached my boss about attending an executive drug treatment center called Seaside Palm Beach. He really like the idea that they let their residents continue to work while they’re in treatment. He assured me that my job would be waiting for me, provided I successfully completed the program. To this day, this gesture of faith has made the most difference in my life. The fact that they believed enough in me to allow me the time to get better meant the world to me. It also inspired and motivated me to complete my treatment and to stay clean ever since.
It’s been two years since I left Seaside, but they still reach out to me all the time. Everyday I use the strength and clarity I learned during treatment to avoid relapsing whenever temptation arises.
