I’m a walking example of how someone who supposedly “has it all” can still suffer from clinical depression. Once my depression led to a 4-year-long speed habit, however, everyone, except me, knew it was time for luxury dual diagnosis treatment. I’d made a very good life for myself as a talent agent, and had enough money to walk away from it all tomorrow if I wanted to. I loved my work, my friends, and my life, but still spent a great deal of time bogged down in little things that would seem almost non-existent to people who aren’t depressed. I didn’t think much of even diagnosing my depression at the time. Even though I’d spend whole weekends in bed, often in inexplicable pain, I generally considered myself a happy person. I was raised in a house where depression was considered something that was always caused by external factors and circumstances, which is simply not the case. Nonetheless, I looked at my life compared to other people, and felt ridiculous for always feeling so preoccupied and sad. I thought I just needed to snap out of it, the notion of luxury dual diagnosis treatment never entered my head.
Even though I knew it wasn’t logical for me to feel sad and disinterested all the time, I still went about my day just running through the motions, getting no real joy out of my daily experiences. I really didn’t know what else to do. One night a client of mine and I were celebrating his latest film deal-rather he was celebrating and I was just paying a professional courtesy-and he brought out some amphetamine, affectionately known as “speed”. I’d heard that this drug was a mood booster, and would be lying if I said my depression didn’t factor into my decision to partake. I took a tablet and was off to the races. I was a little nauseous, but felt better than I had in a long time. I remembered what it was like to be happy, and really didn’t want it to go away. I started using regularly, but didn’t even consider luxury dual diagnosis treatment for some time after that.
My world was simply better with speed–or so I thought. I was much peppier; I was enjoying the company of my friend’s again; and was actively engaged with the world around me. I was happy and excited about almost everything, and couldn’t really see the downside to this wonder drug that had come into my life. I would soon discover the hard way that if you’re in a predicament such as mine, and you’re lucky enough to be able to afford luxury dual diagnosis treatment, you should take the opportunity. I waited too long, and it nearly killed me, but more on that later.
As time went on, I became obsessed with speed. It was the only thing that made me happy, and the only thing that kept me working. After a while, however, I noticed myself coming down faster and faster to the point that my life had become a seamless series of amphetamine trips. Coming down was the worst; I didn’t want to answer my phone, I didn’t want to know anybody, and I barely wanted to live. It was as if speed exacerbated my depression. This wasn’t supposed to happen, as long as I had my little bottle of friends with me, everything was supposed to be okay. I was literally at my wit’s end. I finally broke down and went to an analyst. After just a few sessions, he diagnosed me as clinically depressed, and gave me an anti-depressant that was supposed to help. I neglected to tell him that I’d been taking amphetamine, and figured I could just swap the two out on my own. This assumption ultimately led to my entry into luxury dual diagnosis treatment.
The anti-depressants weren’t working. I was edgy, irritable, unfocused, and sick all the time. I knew there was only one way to ease my pain. After a little less than three weeks of taking only the pills my shrink had given to me, I decided I needed to cure myself. I got on the phone to my supplier, who seemed to know I’d be calling again sooner or later, despite my stern pledge that I wouldn’t. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me, and I really didn’t care all that much. My career was crumbling around ears, it seemed less and less likely that I’d ever meet someone who wanted me for more than my money, and I was literally in some form of pain all the time. After a few days, I was back! I was getting things done, maintaining an active social life, and had completely forgotten why I’d given up speed, or contemplated luxury dual diagnosis treatment in the first place…then it hit me.
One morning at around 5am, as I was coming down, I got an awful, blinding headache that knocked me off my feet. It felt like a professional boxer was punching me in the temple and wouldn’t stop until I was dead. After a while I blacked out, and remember noting except a final thought as I was going down…”this was it.” I woke up in the hospital room a while later. I was breathing through a tube, and couldn’t muster the strength to speak. I was by myself, and wouldn’t have had any clue where I was were it not for the machines to which I was tethered. The doctor came in and got right to the point-I had almost died. There were copious amounts of amphetamine in my system, and it was reacting to the anti-depressants I’d been taking. Combine this with the gallons of alcohol I’d been consuming, and we have a trifecta that could have easily killed me. After reading my the riot act, the doctor closed with, “You’ve been given a second chance, don’t screw it up.” I knew it was time for some kind treatment, both for my addiction and my depression. Luxury dual diagnosis treatment was looking better and better.
I used the same logic that prompted me to initially ignore my depression to help my fight my cravings. I knew what would happen if I went back, and after my residential rehab, I never did. I looked around my amazing facility during my thirty-day stay, and couldn’t believe that even though I had the resources to check myself into luxury dual diagnosis treatment, I was ready to throw my life away instead. I’d been truly blessed by what life had given me, and was ready to just give up rather than ask for help. I successfully graduated from my luxury dual diagnosis program almost two years ago and overall, I would say life is good again.