I am writing this today from an executive alcohol rehab. That was a hard sentence to write. It is still baffling how I ended up here. It has been difficult to come to terms with my living situation for the next 90 days but I’m working on it. I survived my first week of treatment. More importantly, I survived the detox. The expert medical assistance I received during my detox at this executive alcohol rehab helped me tremendously to deal with the withdrawal symptoms from my alcohol addiction.
I know the facts. I know that I got on a plane and flew to Florida for treatment. I know I woke up in my detox room. I know that I haven’t had a drink in 9 days, 6 hours and 43 minutes. I can tell you all of those details but I am still searching for the other details. Like, how did I end up here? How did four to six drinks with lunch become a routine for me? How did I function before I started to consume that much alcohol? What was life like before all these stressors from my alcohol abuse? My therapist has suggested journaling as a means of self-discovery. So, here it goes. I’m journaling.
I try to think back to a single moment when my drinking spiraled out of control. I can’t. Maybe it was just a series of moments, coupled with a spectrum of pressures, sprinkled with some genetic predispositions. Everything was weighing on me before I got here–from my work life to my home life.
Right now I am just trying to reconnect with myself, one agonizingly sober moment at a time. It is amazing, though, how much easier it is for me to cope when I am only working 2-3 hours a day. That is all they allow here in the executive alcohol rehab program. It at least does not put my job or my career in jeopardy– not any more so than I was accomplishing all on my own with each empty bottle, anyways. When I finally decided to get treatment, I knew I was going to need a place with connectivity. I couldn’t go to one of those edge-of-the-earth ranch-style rehabs where no one can reach me for 90 days. I’d never have a chance of surviving that kind of living arrangement and keeping my business career.
I’m still learning my trigger points; I’m working what they call the 12 steps. I am still functioning – even without alcohol! One day at a time. So far, so good.
