I never knew that boredom and frustration could lead to alcoholism. Well for me at least first came depression and then came my drinking problem. To the casual observer, I had everything: a wonderful and successful husband, two amazing kids a beautiful house in the Hamptons and the security for which most people long. However, something was still missing, and that “something” started to eat away at me like a cancer until it finally drove me to drink. My battle with the bottle and subsequent time in rehab taught me that my feelings and emotions are what compelled me to abuse alcohol.
I was watching my kids grow up right before my eyes. I was proud of each of them and the people they were becoming. Although I love being a mother, I still could not help but feel that every day my children matured, was another day of me getting closer to my own obsolescence and, one day my death. I tried talking to my husband about it, but he did not get it and simply dismissed my feelings as being irrational. I do not know exactly when I started drinking. I do know that I was slowly withdrawing myself from my family and the rest of my life. Looking back on it, I guess it took about a year eight months before everyone else started to notice that something was wrong.
Around this time I started excusing myself from family outings by faking illnesses or saying, I was too tired to go anywhere. Once I was alone, I would drink and fall asleep. When my family came home and tried to wake me, I would not budge. My life slowing began to slip away from me, and the only thing that seemed to offer me any comfort was alcohol. Eventually my husband noticed our liquor bottles disappearing, and I would get increasingly defensive when asked if I knew where they could have gone. This led me to begin getting defensive about everything and anything. Soon we were fighting all the time, so much so that one night I left the house angry and drunk and crashed my car into a tree a few doors down from our home.
Fortunately, my husband was following me with his car and got both me and my car home before anyone called the police. The next morning my husband gave me an ultimatum that I get help for my drinking problem. He explained to me that he did some research online and saw a TV commercial too for a luxury alcohol rehab center in Palm Beach, FL that he wanted me to try. I really did not want to go, but I had no choice at that point if I wanted to save my marriage and continue to be a good mother to my children. I reluctantly agreed to enter treatment, and thank God, I did because it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. While in treatment, I learned I was suffering from depression. The excellent medical staff at this facility really helped me overcome it while showing me the importance of my autonomy and self-validation. I have been sober for over two years now and I am grateful for every day I have with my children and my husband.